Backtracking (Weigh-in)

I know I say this a lot.

Onward!”

I’m getting back on track!”

Strengthening my resolve!”

Etc, etc, etc.

Well, this should come as no surprise to you all, but I’m saying it all again. Of course, the difference is that this time I actually feel like I mean it.

See, I’ve been skirting around this whole weight loss thing for the better part of the past year, holding on to one not-insignificant, though often-inflated, accomplishment: the fact that I lost 60 pounds once. Hey, did you know I lost 60 pounds? I lost 60 pounds! I used to be obese and now I’m just overweight! 60 pounds!

And while my intentions really have always been to keep going, to lose just a little more weight, to follow through to my original goal, my actions weren’t doing much to prove it. No longer being completely disgusted with the way that I looked naked was making me think, well, maybe I don’t really need to lose any more weight. Or rather, maybe I don’t want to. But I kept blogging, I kept saying that I was recommitting, I kept pretending to strengthen my resolve because, well, I’m a weight loss blogger. That’s what I do. Oh, and didn’t you hear that I’ve already lost 60 pounds?

Then my girl Cassie wrote a kickass blog post earlier this month about facing the truth when it comes to her weight loss (or lack thereof), and it struck a serious chord with yours truly. I had wrapped up my identity so much in those 60 pounds I had already lost, I was blinding myself to my own truth. Under the false pretense of saying I’m content with how I look, or taking tortoise vs. hare metaphors and applying them to weight loss, or saying that I am purposefully trying not to slip back into my disordered eating habits, the truth of the matter is that I’ve just been lazy.

It’s never been that I don’t want to lose more. I do. Of course I do. I know that there are crazy tall and/or athletic women for whom 180 pounds looks like 140, but no average-height, soft, mildly athletic girl will ever tell you that her ultimate, ideal weight is 186 pounds. Even if she “carries it well”, or “still looks healthy”. Even if she really has made some outstanding progress in her weight loss so far. Yes, I started this blog at 246 pounds, and I lost 60 of them. But I became complacent. I stopped actively counting calories. Yes, I started exercising more regularly which is awesome for me, but I’ve also been eating pretty much whatever I want so as a result I’ve been gaining and losing, regaining and relosing, the same five pounds ever since. I don’t want to be stagnant anymore. I want forward motion.

I know I’ve said all of this before. And sure, there’s probably a high likelihood that I will be saying it all again at some point. But I do mean it. I am going to be making some changes. Or rather, making some changes BACK. In addition to the new habit I’ve picked up of actually working out/running a couple times each week (this is big progress for me, guys!), this week I’ve put my actions where my mouth (or rather, fingers) are.

I’m cutting back on my dairy consumption again, since I’ve been in denial about how much it wrecks my digestive system. And upset-tummy-Gretchen is a Gretchen who justifies french fries for lunch and pasta for dinner. I’m eating breakfast again — SO important for me, but something I’ve let fall by the wayside. I’m trying to shift my eating back into day-long grazing/5-6 small meals a day instead of the 3 squares a day that I’ve lapsed back into. I am going to start juicing again so at the very least I’m getting in vegetables SOMEHOW, and I’m going to be limiting my coffee intake (though not today. I really needed it today, haha). And I’m upping the ante on my water intake, since being properly hydrated (over hydrated, in fact) has been crucial in supporting all of the above for me.

Let’s see whether or not these “new” changes have gotten me off to a good start or not, after my post-birthday weight gain from last week, shall we?

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 194.0 lbs
This Weigh-in: 191.0 lbs
Difference: -3.0 lbs

Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping that I would have magically lost all 5.6 pounds I had gained over the previous two weeks, but I will most certainly take it. Here we go again. 🙂

PS: Since this post is starkly lacking in pictures, I offer you the following photo that Ben took of a very fluffy Daxter who weaseled his way into an under-bed storage box. You’re welcome.

Daxter's New Bed

23 Comments

  1. Jennifer Lsays:

    What a great post Gretchen! I see myself in almost every sentence 🙂
    Way to go on the 3 lbs!

  2. We all have times where we backtrack! I think it’s great that you are honest with yourself and being so transparent in your blog. The whoosh is great! Keep up the motivation 🙂

    I had a similar situation where I became complacent because I could fit into everything in my closet. I had to re-evaluate my goals and determine how much more I wanted to lose. I realized there were still parts of me that needed improvement so back on the wagon I went!

    Your puppy is so adorable. LOVE! <3

  3. DAXTER IN A BOX. <3

    Welcome to recommitment, my love. Pretty much every single thing you listed in your paragraph about habits you need to recommit to, I've been working on. Especially the smaller meals and staying hydrated. It's so crazy that I did those things like it was second-nature for SO long and yet here I am, trying to recondition myself again.

    <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

  4. This was me a few years ago and unfortunately, I didn’t come to the realization like you did and gained a lot of the weight back.
    I am determined to lose it this time and this time around I have some amazing blogs to read to keep my motivated and inspired 🙂

  5. Great post!! I think anyone who is working at losing weight has ups and downs, slips and re-dedication. I applaud you for refocusing and keeping motivated!!

  6. Congratulations on your loss chica!! Proud of you!

  7. Three pounds is a great start! I too have had to take a look at my habits and change what isn’t working for me anymore. I love Mr. Dax 🙂 He makes me smile…

  8. Oh Gretchen, you are such an inspiration. I promise you that even when the end “feels” far away, the TRUTH is: that you HAVE arrived and that you are doing everything plus more in your power to treat your body well and you have made great strides. Again, there may be nothing that I can say to convince your feelings otherwise but you can at least know that I am rooting for you! You’re amazin!

    I just updated {yesterday} my “about me” and I’d love to get your feedback! – Jasper

  9. Jen Robinsonsays:

    I am proud of you for recognizing your complacency and making the determination to get back on track. Good for you!!

  10. I totally know how this feels. Going back and forth between numbers, losing weight and feeling awesome about it, getting lazy…and honestly telling myself “hey, I’ve lost 70 pounds, I look better than I did. Do I really need to lose more weight.”

    It’s the truth.

    But you’ve recognized what’s going on, you’ve been able to tell yourself the truth (which I think is almost physically impossible) and you’ve lost 3 pounds, no time like the present to get back on it.

    This blog post is one of the reasons why people (at least me) find you so inspirational, I can relate to how you are feeling right now…and it’s proof that everyone has downfalls, and reading how you recover is going to show us that we can too. (No pressure, haha).

    If I may quote Greasy Sae (love her!) “You’ve got to go through it to get to the end of it.”

    I know you can do this!!!!!

  11. I know exactly where you are. Because that was the point I was at when I decided to rejoin Weight Watchers and use the plan that works for me rather than trying to reformulate my own and only failing. Here’s to recommitting, one pound to lose at a time! (I feel like we should toast Sparkling Water. Because it’s all your fault that I have a la croix lime addiction. ALL. YOUR. FAULT. <3)

  12. Great post. Your honesty and getting real about where you are and what’s holding you back are admirable and key for continued success!! Love your recommitment. With weight loss, as with any meaningful goal, the key to success is persistence.

    You can do this.

  13. Whatever you want to do, you can do it 🙂 Also..your weight should never make you feel disgusted by your appearance. All bodies are beautiful.

    • Oh, absolutely! It was just my crazy insecurities and messed up thinking that used to make me feel that way. 🙂

  14. Hey I am right there with you! I’ve gained about 10 lbs in the last year and I think it’s about time I shed that weight again!

  15. You’re awesome, Gretchen. I’ve declared that “today is the day” about 20 times this year so far, and still haven’t completely cleaned up my act. I know several things that I need to do, but just am not doing them. The good thing is, every day IS a new opportunity for change.
    I loved that post from Cassie, too. 🙂

  16. I just stumbled on your blog and am so happy I found you. I have so many food/eating issues and have started so many ‘tomorrow really IS the day I’ll…’ and sadly there were no real wins.

    Giving advice is not my strong suit, because really who would I be? I can’t even get myself on track but you just need to dig a little deeper. 60lbs is such a fabulous achievement so you know you can do it.

    Looking forward to trawling your archives. ks x

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