The 5 Stages of Grief

Most of you have probably heard of the Five Stages of Grief. You know, you or someone you know has died, or perhaps is dying, and there are five very specific emotional stages they say you’ll go through as you try to cope: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

So with that little nugget of information, you can probably guess that my weigh-in this week resulted in some decidedly grievous news.

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Week’s Weigh-in: 186.9 lbs
This Week’s Weigh-in: 189.4 lbs
This Week’s Change: +2.5 lbs

What the WHAT?!

I just don’t understand my body anymore. I know that due to my pre-5 miler freaking out I may not have been watching what I’ve been eating quite as carefully this week, but it’s not like I was going on Wenders or anything (that’s a Wendy’s bender, btw. I just made that up. You’re welcome.)

This morning’s encounter with the scale left me on an emotional roller coaster that I’m sure many of you can relate to all too well. I would never, ever suggest that something like weight loss could ever be compared to true grief, of course. That being said, I can’t help but draw a few parallels between the five stages of grief and the emotional state I was in after my weigh-in this morning.

First, there was denial.

Denial
Pshhhh, no way. No. Fracking. Way.

Then anger.

Anger
WTF#@*[email protected]#*O9R#5J!!!!

Then bargaining.

Bargaining
Please, pleeeease say it isn’t so.

There may have been some slightly more desperate bargaining that followed.

Bargaining some more.
WHYYYYYYY?!!?!

Then depression…

Depression
Nope, not melodramatic at all.

Then finally… acceptance?

Acceptance?
Very, very reluctant acceptance, perhaps.

My acceptance face might need some work, since I’m still having a little trouble, er, actually accepting it. I know that there are a bunch of factors that can impact a full 2.5 pound weight gain in a week other than eating 9,000 extra calories: hanging onto extra water, my monthly frenemy coming to visit (sorry boys), lack of sleep, stress, blahblahblah. Buuuut… the fact of the matter is that I still gained, even if tomorrow the gain happens to be less severe than it is today. Poop.

I guess all I can hope is that the changes I’ve made help me to win in the long run, and in the meantime I have to try not to let these bumps in the road get me down, right? (Try being the operative word, of course.) And I have to keep reminding myself that despite not being where I want to end up, I’m still lightyears further than where I started (and have pics like this one that Ben took last night to prove it!)

Day 267 - Complete
I think I see those extra 2.5 libbies…

The puppies don’t hurt either.

What’s your post-bad-weigh-in (over-hyphenate much, Gretchen?) emotional roller coaster ride like? Or, in more coherent language, how does it make you feel when you let yourself down? And how do you pick yourself back up?

Weigh-in Wednesday

And now, after a short schnauzer hijacking, we’re back to our regularly scheduled programming! Although actually, it’s still kind of irregular, since this is the very first Weigh-in Wednesday (oh how I love alliteration.) The times they are a-changing, folks!

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So… we meet again.

Admittedly, the past two weeks of my “weigh-cation” (badoom-ching!) have gotten me a little scared. On the one hand, it’s been nice not having my self-esteem ride the emotional roller coaster that is a weekly weigh-in, but on the other… well, we all know what can happen when I don’t have some kind of structure to keep myself in check (no more 5-month plateaus please kthxbai.) So, building off of my pseudo-confidence after my 5 mile walk/run Monday and my 30-day shred from last night (Level 1… let’s not get too ahead of ourselves, haha), let’s just go ahead and do this thing:

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 187.8 lbs
This Weigh-in: 186.9 lbs
This Week’s Loss: -0.9 lbs

Well hey there, almost a full pound’s loss! Granted, for a two and a half week timespan, it’s not quite Tony-the-Tiger-grrreat, but I will TAKE it. I almost fainted right on the bathroom floor when I saw the 6 in there (even if it’s just barely there, haha.) I’m SO close to hitting my progress goal of 185 lbs!

I’ve been getting pretty down on myself with the looming 5 mile race I have coming up on Sunday, so this little loss is definitely what I needed to feel better about my slow-but-at-least-sorta-steady progress. So after much hyperventilating (and what may or have not have been a fair bit of fantasizing about somehow injuring myself so I wouldn’t have to do it. DON’T JUDGE ME.) I’ve peacefully come to the realization that I am physically capable of finishing 5 miles. In fact, I did it on Monday. Bam. So even if I end up walking most of it, I’m sure I’ll be motivated to run at least PART of it, which means I’ll beat the 15 min/mile required minimum pace. Goodness knows I never set out to actually “race” these races anyway (Heaven forbid!)

Chillin
Bad. (Christmas 2009)

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Better. (Last weekend!)

I am fully aware that I really dropped the ball when it came to training for this thing, so if I end up being the absolute last person to finish, so be it. At least I’m still doing it, right? And that “it” refers not just to the race, but to this whole healthy weight/healthy living trying thing in general. I mean, if you had asked me if I thought I’d still be blogging, let alone if I’d actually lost any weight, when I started this thing, I would have laughed right in your face. Feel free to pop on over to my “real” mid-way pictures page if you’re in need of a (graphic) reminder of where I really started.

What suggestions do you have to prepare me for the 5 miler on Sunday? I had intended to run-run yesterday, but ended up, y’know, not, haha. I have a happy hour to go to after work so I will be spending my lunch hour on the treadmill today, but what about for the rest of the week? Should I try to run/walk another 5 miles, or just try to run as far as I’m able or…? I don’t want to be in pain come Sunday but I want to be as prepared as possible and I’m clueless when it comes to this stuff… which should be obvious, given how much not-training I’ve been doing over the past, ummm, 4 months or so since I signed up for this thing. I knew I was forgetting something…

How Laborious (Weigh-in)

Happy Monday Tuesday, everyone! Wow! I am so amazed by the response that the Honey, I Shrunk the T-shirt Shop giveaway got! I was pretty much assuming you’d all think I was a huge d-bag for even presuming that you would want any blog swag, but it was my most popular giveaway yet! I guess it’s really true what they say: nobody can refuse a free shirt. Bahaha.

Okay, so without further adieu (and because I just spent an hour and a half driving 9 miles, FML) let’s get on to the good stuff. Drumroll, please!

Since the plug-in I use to pick a giveaway winner doesn’t show exactly which comment it pulled, here are all of Megan’s entries. See? Multiple entries, baby!

Congratulations, Megan! Email me at [email protected] and we’ll work out the details. For those of you who didn’t win this time, fret not. I’m sure another chance for you to win will be popping up in the not-too-distant future! And if you just can’t wait, don’t forget that you can, you know, buy stuff from the shop too. Just saying. 😉

The weekend was a lot of fun (hanging around, taro-flavored froyo, par-tay) and also a lot of not fun (errrr, me getting violently sick at 3 AM on Sunday and not even from drinking! What the heck!) but I didn’t really get any real pictures of any of it (who am I?!) So instead, you may enjoy these:

Womp...Womp.
Yaaaawn.Yummm.
Que?

Tiwed.Save me.

You are welcome. Eventually though, they did officially hit their limit as camera-fodder:

Stink Eye.
Whaddya want?

How rude.

Okay, okay, we’ll wrap this thing up now:

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Week’s Weight: 189.0 lbs
This Week’s Weight: 187.8 lbs
This Week’s Loss: -1.2 lbs

I’M BACK BABY!!

Even WITH a holiday weekend, I managed to lose a pound. WHAT. UP. Guess this whole strengthening of my resolve thing really means something, eh? Or maybe it’s because I threw up everything I had eaten on Sunday that night… blech. Well, we’ll go with the former, haha.

Onward and downward! I hope everyone had an awesome weekend! How did you celebrate your Labor Day?

Get’r Done (Weigh-in)

Happy Hurricane survival, everyone! I hope nobody was hit too hard by Irene. Though the dogs were freaking out due to the intense wind (woke me up!) we ended up with only a few hours of lost power in the middle of the night Saturday (while we were sleeping anyway). The cute little flowering tree in our front yard unfortunately wasn’t so lucky. Farewell, curb appeal. Oh wellps.

Day 192 - RainDrops
Photo by Ben Powell

Technically the above shot is from a completely different thunderstorm, but the sentiment remains the same, haha. My sister and her hubs came down from Columbia with Oreo to weather the storm (badoom ching!) with us. In his excitement to be reunited with his canine companions, Oreo lost not one, not two, but THREE teeth! Bear in mind that this is normal for puppies, just like we lost our baby teeth (though somehow I don’t think Oreo is going to find a quarter under his pillow). However, it meant that his poor toothless gums ended up bleeding…

Day 237 - Blood
Photo by Ben Powell

… all over my little white dog.

Yep, Daxter looked like the victim of war and received TWO baths on Saturday alone. Future white dog owners beware: it is a lot of work keeping them clean.

Okay, so without further adieu, here is the disappointing news you needed to start your week off right:

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Week’s Weight: 189.0 lbs
This Week’s Weight: 189.0 lbs
This Week’s Loss: -0.0 lbs

Er.

Yeah.

On the one hand, I didn’t gain any weight. So, you know, there’s that.

But, I also didn’t lose any either. Boo. I suspect it may have had something to do with the 687 chocolate chip cookies that were consumed in Armageddon-induced fear (you deal with an earthquake AND a hurricane and tell me you wouldn’t stress eat too!) And while I was on the scale this morning contemplating my unbudged scale number (seriously, I’ve only ever had one other 0-gain 0-loss weigh-in before!) I realized that I have less than 4 weeks until the Navy 5 miler in September.

So! Before I allow myself to be stuck for the next 5 months like my LAST plateau, I am making yet another resolution to get’r done. I am aware that I suck at life exercising and that you are all really tired of hearing my excuses. Well, having upped this race distance to 5 MILES instead of 5 KILOMETERS is a big change for me, one that actually leaves a distinct possibility of not being able to finish because I’m such a fat load and didn’t train. Seriously. Horrifying.

So no more excuses. It’s time to make use of the free gym in my building at work, the cool weather, and the now-later start time of my new job. I’m going to start with time goals (run for 30-minutes straight, run for 45-minutes straight, etc.) as I’ve determined that at my pace (SLOW) it’ll probably take me the better part of an hour to do a full 5 miles. And I’ve never run for an hour straight, so I’ll need to get used to it.

C’mon, Gretchen. Get’r done.

What’s your hurricane story?

HLS 2011 – Part 2 (Weigh-in)

Advanced apologies that this is probably gonna be a long’un, friends. In case you missed Part 1 of this weekend of intense awesomeness, be sure to catch up here.

Picking up where we left off, Saturday morning kicked off bright and early at 5 AM with a group of us doing a 14 mile run around downtown Philadelphia.


Pic pilfered from Beth

I was not actually in that group, of course, but I just thought you might like to hear about it. Bahahahaha. Did I have you there for even a second? Instead I gave myself a workout by bolting straight up when Theodora‘s alarm clock went off at 4:30, and then by rolling over and going back to sleep, haha.

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Breakfast was a big cereal bar courtesy of Attune Foods, so I helped myself to a bowl of strawberry Uncle Sam’s with soy milk, a hard-boiled egg, and a big ol’ plate of fruit.

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Anne is an Attune Ambassador so she was definitely feeling the feast:

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A great way to start off the day! (They do still say it’s the most important meal, you know.)

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After foodage was consumed and opening remarks were, er, remarked upon, we tucked in for a full day of breakout sessions on various topics. So much information! The first session I attended was by editor of Daily Spark and Spark People (recipe sites many of you probably use daily!) Stepfanie Romine.

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It was entitled “Writing a Better Recipe” and it really got me thinking about the sad lack of well-structured recipes on this blog. Be on the lookout for some changes to my basically non-existant Recipes page!

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I also hit up the presentation on networking through blogging and social media in your area by Cynthia and my amazing roomies, Ashley and Theodora. We got many ideas from this for future DC blogger meetups, so my local peeps should stay tuned!

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By the time the morning sessions were over, people were HANGRY. Feeeeed us, we cried!

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So feed us they did.

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The conference served up a buffet of vegetarian sandwiches, salad, and this absolutelypositively delicious quinoa and chickpea salad that I must recreate.

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Nom. I loaded up my plate with some of everything but ended up not really partaking in much of the roasted veggie wrap or tofu sandwich as neither was too great, IMO. I went back for another half-o-caprese’wich instead because you know that cheese makes it aaaaall better, hehe.

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And I felt super fancy washing down my sammies with a Perrier. There really is just something about sparkling water that makes you classy all over.

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After lunch, Anne, Theodora and I really needed to stretch out legs. We thought we’d only go for a 15-minute walk around the hotel but ended up missing the entire keynote presentation — oops! It gave me flashbacks to our similar session-skipping adventure in Boulder back in June!

Ph-ph-ph-Philly!

Guess we just got wrapped in walking the street of Philly. Totes worth it.

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And anyway, we made it back just in time.

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Just in time for (early) happy hour, that is! What? It may have been 3:30 in Philly, but it was 5 o’clock somewhere!

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Shanna, a Delaware blogger, brought Kath a 4-pack of Dogfish Head beers (my fav!) and Kath generously shared with the whole table.

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We improvised a chilling method, and everyone got to have a taste.

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Cheers!

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Ashley and I were happy bears, obvi.

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Anne, Chase, me, Tina, Theodora, Katie, and Kath.

Best table ever. Just saying.

So you know, we were nice and socially lubricated for the piece de resistance of conference sessions: Blog monetization with the brilliant and beautiful Katy Widrick!

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So many nuggets of wisdom. So little time. Before I knew it — poof! The conference was wrapping up. Props must be given to Meghann for organizing pretty much the entire thing.

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But don’t worry, it wasn’t time to wrap up quite yet. A big group of us continued on the happy hour festivities into dinner and beyond after the official closing remarks. I didn’t lug my big camera out with me that night, but suffice it to say that good times were had. I’m sure you can catch up with the shenanigans on any number of other blogs.

Friday morning was spent on a nice 5K walk through Philly (I ran up the Rocky steps!)


Thanks for the pic, Meghann! Can you spot me?

Followed by an oatmeal bar sponsored by Quaker. I ate my face off, then used the added body weight I gained from eating approximately 1.4 million pounds of oatmeal to squish down my suitcase so I could fit my swag in it.

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Mission so not accomplished.

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Sadly, I had to lug my three separate bags o’ stuff through the train station and say goodbye to this fantastic weekend. And after cuddling with the pups (I did miss them, after all. Let’s all petition for a dog-friendly conference next year, yes?) and reading like 67 weekend recaps, I conked out. But like the good little blogger I try to be, it was business as usual when I woke up this morning:

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Week’s Weight: 189.8 lbs
This Week’s Weight: 189.0 lbs
This Week’s Loss: -0.8 lbs

Shock! Shock and awe! I wasn’t expecting to lose anything, not even this wonderful glorified half-pound after this weekend. Sure, I ate healthy food, but for being at a health bloggers conference I really phoned it in fitness-wise (so what else is new?) I’ll take it!

Onward and downward, and so it goes. <3