Anxiety (Weigh-in)

I am not exactly what you might call a laid-back person.

You know, that whole personality trait where you can let things go easily, you don’t stress out, you don’t get worked up? Not me. This is shocking to you, I’m sure, given the level of enthusiasm I’ve been expressing for the past week over all my various birthday activities, haha. I just run a little more emotionally high than some people.

Normally, the whole excited-about-everything-good-and-bad thing works for me! While I’m generally always riding the line of being stressed out about SOMETHING, I’ve never had a particular problem with managing it. I’ve never had to deal with stress or anxiety on a large scale. Which is probably how it should be because, let’s face it, I live a relatively stress-free life. I don’t live in a warzone, I don’t have a chronic illness or an incredibly demanding job. I’m certainly not rolling in cash monies, but I’m no longer carrying around any credit card debt and I still live a very enjoyable life on my budget. I have a supportive family, great friends, a wonderful boyfriend, and two epic mini schnauzers. Okay, now it just sounds like I’m bragging, hahaha.

The point I’m trying to (rather unsuccessfully) make is that yes, while I have my share of days that are full of pressing deadlines and less-than-ideal circumstances, it’s never been something that a hot shower or pedicure or heart-pumping sweat session or trip to the dog park or 8 full hours of sleep hasn’t been able to fix. But lately, increasingly so in the past few days, I’ve been feeling really anxious. About everything. About nothing. It’s a strange, new, and uncomfortable state for me to be in. I find my breath hitching when I’m doing nothing but sitting at my desk writing emails. My heart starts racing and my palms begin to sweat when I’m cooking dinner. And I don’t really know how to deal with it appropriately.

I can’t really pinpoint what is it that has me on such high alert lately. Yes, there are a few things on my mind, what with my recent potential career change decision, the Reach the Beach relay (both the logistics/travel/planning for it and the thought of actually, y’know, running it), and, as always, my weight loss progress (or current lack thereof). But these things have been subjects of thought for a while now, so why is it only now that my body feels like it’s physically rejecting them? All I know right now is that despite yesterday consisting of a massage AND a sweaty Zumba session AND a hot shower afterward, I only felt better for like, 4 hours. I slept fitfully and woke up feeling as anxious as I did the day before. My brain is a douchebag.



(source)

As you can imagine, my weigh-in for today didn’t exactly help alleviate my feelings of anxiety this morning. I posed a question on Facebook yesterday to gauge whether or not I would be severely judged for skipping my weigh-in (again) in the name of birthday glory (again), and while some of you gracious souls did give me the go-ahead to skip, more of you ended up convincing me to just do it and get it over with. The not-knowing would probably have caused me even more stress in the long run anyway…

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 188.4 lbs
This Weigh-in: 194.0 lbs
Difference: +5.6 lbs

… Or not. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Well, you guys are always telling me not to be too hard on myself (“I suck!” “How can I call myself a weight loss blogger?!” I’ve wasted a year with all this yo-yoing!”) and I’m always telling myself to stop making excuses (“It was my birthday!” “I drank! A lot!” “Sodium! Alcohol! Sugar!”), so in the spirit of compromise I won’t do either. I’ll just say that it is what it is, and if I got to do my week of birthday debauchery all over again, I’m sure I would. I’ve been pretty good about eating cleanly and exercising since the party so hopefully in another week I’ll be back down a few libbies.

You’re also always encouraging me to stop with the negative self-talk, so in that spirit I’ll simply re-post this photo from Saturday, which I love:

And remind myself that 190+ might still be a little lumpy but, all things considered, it doesn’t look all that bad.

For now.

Onward.

Mall Madness

Unfortunately, I’m not talking about the epic circa-1996 (or 1989, depending on which version we’re talking about) board game.


(source)

No, I’m talking about the intense, mind-blowing madness that is Tysons Corner during the month of December. Steve and I (we are friends now — hooray for progress!) were set on braving the crowds last night to do some Christmas shopping.

Santa's Closed
Uhhh.

Well, we would have braved the crowds, that is, had there been any. I honestly was predicting mayhem and madness, but it turns out even in December the mall is pretty dead at 8:30 on a Monday night. In fact, the only thing that was actually crazy were the deals! (Ba-doom ching!)

FREE PUPPY?!
Unfortunately, the deals weren’t crazy enough to get me an actual puppy. Stupid fine print.

See, when our family does Christmas, we do it BIG, and I’m trying not to let my financial situation put a damper on things. Speak of the debt thing, actually, I have an update on that front: As of last week, I have officially paid off my credit card debt! Daxter’s hospital visit threw an unfortunate wrench in my debt-clearing goals (to have both my credit cards paid off and my dad paid back by the end of the year). Thanks to my very patient and generous Papa, however, I’ve at least got those little plastic temptresses under control!


(source)

Ne’er shall I carry a balance again! (Er, I hope.)

Right, so… what was I talking about again? Oh right, spending more money. Ha! I mean… it is still Christmas, you know. I’m trying to be very conscious of my budget, while still coming up with fun, personal gifts. So I’ve been deal-shopping, sales-shopping, and perusing Pinterest for ideas. I think that I’ve been doing a pretty good job so far!

Christmas Shopping
Success!

And okay, I’ll admit right here and now that I wasn’t able to refrain COMPLETELY from buying some things for myself. Fact: wearing a too-big coat makes you look too big too (say that 5x fast!), and feeling frumpalicious during cookie season is not so good for the self-esteem. Also fact: coats are crazy on sale at Old Navy right now! I did, however, abstain from some of the more ridiculous awesome stuff I wanted.

Herro Tree!
Be proud of me for walking away from this. It was rough.

So all in all, it was a successful shopping trip! Also, a successful continuation of my Instagram self-tutelage, as you can see. I still have three family members left to get gifts for (two human, one canine) but I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

What’s your holiday shopping strategy? Are you an early bird, with your presents all wrapped up by December 1st? Or a last-minute gifter? An online-shopper or an in-store bargain hunter? Last year, I had almost 100% of my Christmas shopping done by Cyber Monday, all thanks to Amazon. This year, I’m running on a much later schedule, with a few gifts that I’ve purchased online but I’ve had to do a lot of shopping in-person to get ideas! Oogh, the stress!