Wax On, Wax Off

I’m just going to say right off that bat that I really hope my parents don’t read this post, because I’m not sure how much they’ll approve of the topic we’re visiting today. What topic is that, you ask? Why, the magical world of bajingo waxing, of course!

See, I find this sort of thing wildly fascinating to hear about, but it’s not really a topic of conversation that gets brought up too frequently in my world. I mean, people need to know, you know?! And since I have now taken in my very first down-there waxing experience, I figured there might be a few other like-minded folks interested in hearing what all the fuss (or rather, what the fuzz — see what I did there?) is about. But, fair warning, if you’re not one of said folks, I strongly suggest X-ing out of your browser now, because who knows how quickly this conversation might deteriorate? I only have so many euphemisms for ladybits at my disposal, after all.

Anywho-ha, this all came about because in just a few not-so-short, very loooong-seeming days, I’ll be headed to the sunny sands of Cabo San Lucas. And, being that I pretty much plan on spending every waking moment of every day in my fatkini with a pina colada in one hand and my Kindle in the other, I thought it might be a good idea to head to Mexico with a, a-hem, clean slate, shall we say?

And since, as Miranda learned in Sex and the City, this face is pretty much the last thing you wanna see in response to your bikini line spillover:

I figured some preemptive steps might be a good idea. So I took to my friendly neighborhood Yelp and started doing research on waxing places. A few popped up, and after doing my due diligence, I ended up deciding to pay a visit to Sugar Baby Wax in Alexandria.

Now, I’ve been getting my brows waxed for years, so the general idea behind waxing as a hair removal technique is not exactly foreign to me. HOWEVER. One’s eyebrows and one’s chachi are not exactly the same thing, are they? And, being the masochistic individual I am, in the end I decided not just to get my bikini line cleaned up, but to take a full on visit to Brazil.

Spoiler alert: I’m bald.

Anyway, we’ve covered the why, so onto the ow. I mean, the how. We’re officially venturing into serious TMI territory here, folks, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I don’t even want to think about how many hoo-has my technician Valerie has come face-to-face with, because she was a total pro from start to finish. She asked me if I’d ever been waxed before, and walked me through the entire process when I informed her that this was my first time venturing below the browbone. She gave me a towel to drape over my nether-regions and left the room, instructing me to disrobe below the waist (I wore a maxi dress, so I just hiked it on up) and showing me that there were wipes in the changing area if I wanted to “freshen up” (which, as the conscientious and polite person I am, I really was worried about! #mindreader). So off came the laundry day granny panties, and I hopped up onto something that was reminiscent of the same kind of table-bench-thing you sit on at the gynecologist, only minus the classy stirrups.

She came back after a few minutes and all the security and safety I felt with that fluffy white towel draped over my thighs was literally whipped away within seconds. The towel came off. And there I was.

It took me a little while to get over the fact that I was on display like that (I’m a lady!) but Valerie was a consummate professional and never made me feel awkward about it at all. And from there on, it was pretty much what you would expect. On went the wax with a little tongue depressor-lookin’ thing, on went the fabric strip, off came it all. There was absolutely no double-dipping into the wax pot (run, don’t walk, from double-dippers!) and Valerie was wonderful at keeping my attention on her and not on the hair-stripping that was happening down below. She worked very quickly in small sections, and it was over before I knew it!

Of course, there’s one major part of this whole thing that I haven’t addressed yet: how much did it hurt? If I’m being totally, 100% honest… it really wasn’t bad! Believe me, I was SHOCKED. I expected to be wincing, tearing up, and breathing in through my teeth the whole time, but honestly, it was no worse than ripping off a bandaid. Just, you know, a lot of times in a row. And actually, it probably wasn’t even as bad as that.

Valerie was really great about keeping the conversation flowing, so there wasn’t too much time for me to worry about what was happening, and there were only one or two spots that stung enough to distract me from our conversation. Things did get a little bit awkward for me when I was told to hug my knees while she worked on the, er, rear-ish region (I basically just laughed obnoxiously through that part) but, again, it was quick and relatively painless.

After all was said and done, I got some soothing cream stuff for my tender, but hairless, skin, and that was that! It was definitely super weird at first, but I adapted pretty quickly, haha. Apparently regrowth takes anywhere from four to six weeks, although allegedly you might start seeing a few hairs earlier than that due to hair growth cycles (not 100% of your hair has surfaced at any given point – this is also the reason why laser hair removal has to be done over a long period of time.) Either way, I don’t think this is something that I’ll maintain on a long-term level, but to make vacations hassle-free (which is, of course, the whole point of a vacation, right?) then hey, why the hell not?

Have you ever ridden the bajingo waxing train? How do you maintain your down-there hair?

0 Comments

  1. Mandi Kayesays:

    Like you, this is something I only do for special occasions.

    It stings like a mofo! They say that if you do it regularly, it will stop hurting completely – but I call bullshit on that. Ripping hair out of your skin – no matter where on your body – is never going to be pleasant.

    I also find that it’s just plain WEIRD feeling afterwards until you get used to the new sensation. Fabrics touch places they usually don’t.

    • I mean, I really honestly didn’t think it hurt that badly, and this was my first time so if it gets less painful the more you do it, all the better! But I’m with you on the freaky clothes sensation. As Carrie Bradshaw said, I’m just so AWARE of down there!

  2. Larasays:

    i love that you blogged about this. i’ve done it twice and then ran into my waxer at coldstone one night with my family (including the dog), talk about awkward!

  3. You had me up until “hugging my knees”. I don’t think I could do that. I’ve been to the gyno, I’m used to having someone all up in my stuff (literally), but hugging my knees to get the read? ha ha hahaa .. no. No. No. No.

    You are a brave soul! Enjoy your baldness while it lasts!

    Love to see a follow-up post about how it feels to be bald. Not sure I want to see that much of, er, myself EVER.

  4. I love this post! I have been contemplating that for vacations. I started with the spray tan, but they have a bottoms-on rule there. Still, it was interesting just letting my ta-tas fly for a stranger. As for waxing, I just had my arms done the other night and they made a huge show of needing TWO waxers to make it go faster! I have had this done so many times and never needed two people. They did very tiny sections at a time, I’m not sure they were very experienced! Judging by the pain, I think I can handle down there, especially since the surface area is much smaller compared to two full arms.

  5. rear* not read. hee hee

  6. Atta lady! I have been getting Brazilian sugars (a little different than wax but same idea) since I was 17. The best part is, the more regular you are about getting them, the less it hurts! I don’t recommend wearing dresses to appointments, I usually wear leggings and a long top so I don’t feel too naked while I’m waiting. Also, I roll onto my side when they go behind, you could ask if that’s an option? Congratulations my friend!

  7. You are a brave soul! I’ve often thought about giving it a try, but end up chickening out. Maybe one day…

  8. Lo the Phoenix (@LoPhoenix)says:

    Since we are being nakedly honest (hee hee) and BARE-ing (haha) our souls here. What I’m the most nervous about is my belly. Like, I will have to lift my flub so she can get everything and that seems…well…awful. So for now it’s just me and my razor.

    • I mean, let’s be honest, this post really didn’t address the myriad of body confidence issues that ran through my head from start ’til finish. Is my bajingo normal looking? Am I too fat for a Brazilian? It definitely was emotionally challenging in the beginning, but I just kept reminding myself that she’s probably seen it ALL and isn’t judging. At least since I was laying down for the entirety of the waxing experience, my pooch was luckily in primo flatness position, hahaha.

  9. Lulu Darlingsays:

    Hey Gretchen!
    After reading this hilarious post, I had to stop in and say that I love the new direction of the blog. I know it had to be a tad scary to change things up. I’ve always thought you were awesome, and I’m so excited to see the new life you’ve given your content! I love you, you brave, sassy thing.

    <3 Lulu

  10. Jen Robinsonsays:

    I love that you didn’t run out of terms for “down there.” Way to address a pretty embarrassing topic- let’s just hope that Dad doesn’t read this one! LOL

  11. Hopesays:

    How long did you grow your hair beforehand? I’ve never waxed and am SUPER intimidated!

    • I was worried about all that too — is it too long? Too short? — but the confirmation email Sugar Baby Wax sent me said not to trim, “the longer the better!” so I just went with it. I let my bikini line grow out for like two weeks but my middle section was pretty au naturale so it was super long there. I think it’s a salon preference thing whether they expect you to trim it though.

  12. Becky P.says:

    I laughed a few times reading this! And I think it’s really helpful to have a description available for the folks who might be thinking about it but are worried about the process. Thanks for sharing! I’ve had my legs and bikini line waxed before, and yeah, it’s no walk in the park, but like you said – it hurt a lot less than I expected. The legs take forever, though. The lady who did mine said that it tends to hurt more if you’ve had caffeine before you go (something about the blood vessels dilating?), so skip the coffee.

    But for the last… year and a half, I think? I haven’t done any hair removal. Not my armpits, not my legs, not my crotch, not nothing. I used to shave every morning before high school, and I started the waxing thing in college, so I used to be pretty preoccupied with hair. In fact, I remember being embarrassed when I realized I had darker hairs growing at the top of my thighs, because “what if people think they’re pubes?!” Now, I’m not the hairiest person I’ve ever seen, but my dark and curlies are, well, dark and curly, and clearly visible when I wear my bathing suit. But I just spent a week at the beach living in my swimsuit, and I was pleased and surprised to realize I truly just don’t give a f*ck now about what other people think of my body hair – if they even notice. I really do like it, the way it feels and the way it looks, and I’m tired of removing it because of imagined opinions.

    If I ever change my mind, and have both the money and time to do waxing again, that’s totally the way to go. Shaving always left me with irritated, itchy, red skin. Glad you found a professional, experienced person in your neighborhood!

  13. That video clip is perfect.
    Thanks so much for writing this post…it’s like “Everything you wanted to know about waxing but were too afraid to ask”…and now I know! I suspect I still won’t have the confidence to go through with it, ever, but this helps! Points for bravery (both for getting waxed and for posting about it).

  14. Oh the memories…I too got waxed before a big vacay to the beach. Unfortunately, there is only one lady who removes hair from bajingos in my little town, and let’s just say the poor blue haired elderly lady that was waiting in her perm rollers got to hear a whole new use for some very colorful words. I came out of the door in the back and she said, ” My my what were you doing back there?” When she saw my waddle out she got wide eyed and giggled.

    Thanks Gretchen for the laugh!

  15. Bridgetsays:

    Gretchen where was this post when I wanted to get MY downtown waxed for the first time and none of my close nonjudgmental friends had ever done so?!! I had to do all the research myself, and ask awkwardly all the questions myself!! Glad your first time wasn’t as bad as you thought (mine wasn’t either and I left smelling like tropical heaven)!

    A tip from Kasey (my one and only from Bombshell Waxing down here in New Orleans)–if you see some stray hairs feel free to pluck them….but it is about as painful as you think 🙂

  16. Jessesays:

    LOVE this post! Especially since I actually have an appointment today for a Brazilian! Crazy cowinkydink! I’ve started to make waxing a regular beauty regimen because treat yo-self! It was hilarious the first time I went in I had all the same worries as you did too. Ginger, my wax-gal, was so chill, she played some awesome music to calm me down. She was like “oh you’ll never forget the song you’ve had your first Brazilian to!” …I will never think of DeadMau5′ “Ghosts and Stuff” the same again. 🙂

    PS: long time reader, first time commenter! love your blog!
    Jesse

  17. Aprilsays:

    Thank you for using the SATC reference 🙂

    I got sugar waxed for the first time before a trip and had pretty much the exact same emotions that you had. I was pretty freaked about all my bits being out for display but my waxer was such a delightful lady that I felt totally comfortable. It definitely was a nice splurge and I felt more confident in a swimsuit for the entire trip.

  18. Jennysays:

    Haha I love this post….

    One question, did you feel irritated after doing this? I’d like to try getting waxed, but I’m avoiding it since the razor irritates my skin 🙁

    P.S. Longtime reader, first time commenter!

    • No I’m not irritated at all! I was pretty cautious about touching the skin for the first day, and they recommend not exfoliating and no swimming for 24 hours afterwards, but I’ve had no issues whatsoever!

  19. Caitlynsays:

    Thanks for being so candid! I’ve only had this done once and it was a bad experience (I had really awful bruising on my upper thigh afterwards). By the time the bruising went away, the hair was back and my boyfriend was horrified by the bruising, but doesn’t really care about the hair. So I have never gone again. But you prompted me to reconsider and after some online reading, it sounds like the person who waxed me might have just had bad technique. I think I might try again, but read more reviews of the place beforehand (yelp for the win!). Love the new direction for your site!

  20. Stephsays:

    Love that you wrote about this! What they say is true, the more you go the less it hurts. Especially if you take one or two ibuprofen beforehand.

    BUT…and this is a big but…(and I’m mainly sharing as a psa for you and any other ladies who may be or want to be pregnant in the future)…don’t get waxed when you’re pregnant. No matter how many times you’ve done it before! My skin was more sensitive, and I was so sore down there that I could barely walk for TWO DAYS. Not the babymoon prep I was hoping for 😉

  21. Megan C.says:

    I love this! My first time was equally professional and quick. I was truly shocked at how quick it was. Now be happy you got to grab your knees for the back…my previous waxers had me get on all fours on the table…talk about fun. I get a Brazilian wax on a regular basis (every 6-8 weeks) and although it is not 100% painless it does get easier each time. That center strip still hurts every time. I’ve also learned that it is less painful if I don’t go so long. But alas my pocket book needs it to be stretched out a bit. Keep doing it on a regular basis you’ll love it!

  22. So happy that someone has finally blogged about this!

  23. I’ve never had this done but was considering it before my own vacation next week. I decided I was too scared…

  24. Wonderful post! I have only attempted a wax once. All I can say is to not go right before your time of the month. That’s when your skin is the most sensitive. I had to stop because it was just too much.

  25. (Catching up on posts tonight…) I love this. Good for you. I have never gone the whole enchilada myself, so would be super self-conscious and concerned about doing something wrong at the appointment. (But I’m neurotic like that).

    I’m curious (now that this was a few weeks ago), what the grow-back experience has been like? If you don’t keep doing it, isn’t it itchy as all hell?

  26. Anonsays:

    I get mine waxed simply because I don’t have fine hairs like most other girls do. My hair down there is thick and unruly and would probably need to be shaved everyday in order to not be painfully and irritatingly stubbily (not to mind the ingrown hairs). I am forever envious of people who can easily shave and not have to worry. And because my hairs are so thick, it’s defo 10x more painful than youve described. However, my hair growth is so much better after repeated waxing. It grows in more manageable directions and the hairs are slightly softer than before. My crotch is a one off case so my experiences won’t relate to most people!

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