Feelin’ Positive

So if you follow me on the ‘Gram, you might have seen me getting a little heavy in my Stories last week. Well, since I’m not blogging as frequently anymore, I haven’t really gotten into it much, but I’d actually been feeling pretty low as of late. It’s not really due to one particular thing that I can identify, but moreso just the effect of my life overall these days — my self-confidence has been low due to body image issues, I’ve been hormonal (apparently weaning depression is a real thing!), and I’ve been feeling uninspired at work and just melancholy in general. Now, glum & humdrum is not really how I tend to roll, it’s it’s been a little bit of a rough road navigating all these feelings!

Thankfully, I seem to be getting over the slump (hopefully!).

 Today, I woke up feeling optimistic and positive for the first time in quite a spell! Again, I think it’s probably due to a myriad of reasons — possibly it’s that I got more than 6 hours of sleep last night, or the expensive, fancy ass vitamins I started taking 11 days ago are finally kicking in, or that I finally freshened my hair back up with some new color, or that I am feeling good about my weight loss & health trajectory (13 pounds down so far!).

I suspect that my hormones still have a lot to do with it, too — possible TMI, but I’m currently riding out my first real postpartum period and it’s been ROUGH. I actually thought my period returned waaaaay back in December, a week after I got my IUD inserted, but I think it was kind of a rogue situation because I’ve only had some very light, unpredictable spotting ever since. But this time’s been a doozy — it’s been a “real” period and it’s lasted almost TWO WEEKS so far. NOT COOL, BODY. I’m pretty sure it’s because I’ve officially stopped pumping (Penny just nurses first thing in the morning now) and that’s caused my body to go much further into weaning mode. Just my personal theory, but whatever the reason, I am READY FOR IT TO STOP. I’m super grateful for my uterus for, y’know, allowing me to create my perfect child, but I really did not miss this monthly reminder, I tell you what.

 Anyway, aside from still being super irritated with my uterus at the mo’, I really am feeling pretty good about things. I’ve been trying to fill my cup since returning from our GA trip with quality experiences with my little munchkin, fueling myself with healthier foods, tackling my to-do list at work, getting in lots of social time with friends & family, and just trying to take care of myself again.

 Which, honestly, if you read down that list, it is still a lot of different things to try and balance. Which is why I think self-care tends to get pushed to the bottom (it does come last on the list, after all!), and it sounds so cliche but when I do take time for myself (beyond just like, decompressing after a long day on the couch), I really do see the benefits.

So I’m trying to capitalize on this feel-goodery by being extra efficient in working hard today (my mother-in-law is on vacation, so I dropped Penny in for an extra day of daycare this week), getting all my ducks in a row for the week work-wise, and also pay it forward by being there for my brother & sister-in-law, who are expecting Penny’s newest cousin ANY DAY NOW!!

Of course, it’s easy to say all that, and I can’t guarantee that I won’t wake up tomorrow feeling burdened by these exact same things again rather than optimistic. That’s why I want to make more of a concerted effort to be open about my feelings and struggles as they happen, rather than try and internalize them all. All of the amazing comments and support I received on Instagram after posting about my recent body insecurities were so, so helpful and uplifting, and honestly, just the act of being open and transparent about things helped me too. Writing is, and always has been, an extremely cathartic and therapeutic experience for me. It’s just so hard to fit in regular blogging along with all the other things I have going on these days — so you’ll probably see me posting more stuff in short bursts on social media. Definitely still will be popping in here for the longer, more detailed updates though, of course.

And with that, I bid you adieu for now!